So This is Wonderland
by Destiny13
Summary: ONE SHOT-After dying James contemplates life and death while letting out his frustration by using some very 'colourful' language. This is serious with some classic James style comic relief.


Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all associated characters and other trademarked things do not belong to me but belong to J.K. Rowling.

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Hey everyone! This is probably going to be a one-shot unless I get a really good response in which case I may add another chapter or two and have or Sirius' point of view on death or something. However, as of right now I'm not positive what I'm going to do yet. Anyway, this is a story from James' point of view about Heaven and everything that kind of goes along with death. The language is a little strong at some parts so just be prepared for that. So you know, I don't usually write stories like this, meaning totally dead serious/angst type stories so any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Well, enough rambling, enjoy and please review!

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**So This Is Wonderland**

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You're probably reading this out of curiosity and you're probably also expecting to read the same old boring stuff about how great Heaven is and all the usual stuff that goes with the territory of talking about death. I could tell you what you want to hear but instead I'm going to tell you the cold hard truth because "the truth will set you free" as the saying goes. I can guarantee that several of you are now expecting this to be the same cheesy bullshit you always read about life and death and I won't lie to you it's probably going to get cheesy at parts but I don't care. If you don't want to read this don't, it won't make any difference to me because I'm already dead. Basically this is part of my 'healing process' because I'm supposed to work through all my 'complex emotions surrounding death so that I will be able to fully enjoy an eternity in paradise'. You can tell I'm absolutely thrilled about this and that I'm overflowing with anticipation but anyway, moving on to what I'm supposed to be talking about . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Most people go through life believing that after you die you either go to paradise, heaven, or purgatory, hell, depending on how you've lived your life. They assume that hell is eternal damnation and punishment, which, from what I know about it, is true. However, these same people assume that when you get to heaven everything's absolutely picture perfect and there's no sadness, only joy. Personally, I don't think heaven's perfect. Sure it may look perfect but looks can be deceiving and I think anyone who tries to convince people otherwise should be sued for false advertising.

You may have noticed a hint of bitterness in my voice and are most likely thinking, "Oh, he must have just died and hasn't come to terms with it yet." Well let me tell you something smartass, I died fifteen years ago because my wife, Lily Evans-Potter, and I were murdered by the dark wizard Voldemort meaning our then one year old son, Harry, was left without parents, so excuse me for being a bit cynical.

Do you want to know what happened after we died? No, Harry didn't go to an orphanage, he went somewhere worse, my sister-in-law's house. You're probably thinking that everything was all hunky-dory because he went to live with relatives, right? WRONG! My sister-in-law, Petunia, never particularly liked me and she and Lily never really got along much either, so you can imagine how thrilled she was to find her nephew on her doorstep one morning with a note saying we'd been killed. Her wide-ass husband and dim-witted whale of a son are just as bad as she is, and between the three of them they practically destroyed Harry while he was growing up. His bedroom was a cupboard under the stairs for crying out loud! I know that if I had been in Harry's place I never would've managed to survive those ten long years. What pissed me off the most was the fact that Petunia and her husband Vernon hid the truth from Harry. They told him Lily and I died in a car crash instead of being murdered. Not only that, they also didn't tell him who and what he was so he had no idea the entire wizarding world knew about him. Then again this was part of Dumbledore's plans to keep him from becoming bigheaded about being famous. Dumbledore's a great man and I think it was a brilliant plan but Harry was still treated like shit there. Why couldn't Harry gone and lived with someone who wouldn't lie to him but would care for him enough to tell him the truth? There was plenty a time that I tried to do something but I couldn't since I was dead and all. Harry was supposed to be brought up by my best friend, Sirius Black, but that was impossible seeing as the rat Peter screwed all of us over. Oh, Sirius wasn't killed, but Peter's a cunning little bastard and managed to get Sirius in deep shit so Sirius was sent to Azkaban, the wizarding prison.

You're probably a little confused by all this so I suppose I should explain. I guess this whole story starts back when I first met Lily at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She was muggle born so she hadn't even heard about Hogwarts until she got a letter inviting her to come to school there. From day one I liked her, even if I wouldn't admit it at the time. Course, I didn't exactly go about displaying my affections in the right way at first, but how was I supposed to know Lily didn't like frogs and spiders that much? Anyway, I eventually managed to curb my immaturity and she agreed to go out with me. After a few years of dating seriously, I decided to ask her to marry me. Believe it or not, mature and proper Lily Evans said yes to immature and inappropriate me! Not even the fact that Voldemort-sorry-Lord Voldemort, an evil dark wizard, was gaining power could dampen my spirits. A few years later, our son Harry was born and we were thrilled. Unfortunately, soon after that, we discovered Voldemort was after us. We went into hiding using the Fidelius Charm, which meant that a secret was magically concealed inside a single, living soul. The information is hidden inside the chosen person, or Secret Keeper, and is therefore impossible to find, that is unless the Secret Keeper chooses to divulge it. As long as the Secret Keeper refused to speak, we would be perfectly safe. Originally we were going to use Sirius but he convinced us to use our then friend, one Peter Pettigrew, instead. We all thought it would be the perfect bluff and therefore increase our safety because everyone would think that Sirius knew where we were when really it was Peter. Unfortunately for us Peter was working for Voldemort and sold us out. You can imagine the kind of colourful language I've used to describe him since.

We awoke one night not to long after performing the charm to the sound of someone outside. Lily picked up Harry before we crept downstairs. She hid in one of the backrooms while I went and peeked outside. What I saw chilled my blood. Standing only a few feet away from the house was Voldemort with a few of his Death Eaters. I panicked and ran back to Lily.

"Lily, take Harry and go!" I said hurriedly, "It's Him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"

Before the words were even out of my mouth I knew I'd sealed my own fate. I knew that I would die but I wouldn't die without a fight, and hopefully Lily and Harry would get away.

Lily clutched Harry tightly and I knew she too knew what was about to happen to me.

"I love you James," she whispered.

"I love you too Lily," I whispered back as I reached out and touched her cheek, "Now go before He comes."

Lily nodded before turning with Harry and darted away. Seconds later, the front door exploded open and crashed to the floor, but Voldemort wasn't in a hurry. Instead, he took his time slowly coming towards me but I wasn't about to sit back and let some nimrod kill me without a fight, so I squared my shoulders walked closer to him.

"James Potter," he said, "So nice to see you again. However, this time you won't be so lucky in escaping."

"I'm surprised you're still trying to kill me after all these years," I said, sounding braver then I felt. "You've already failed three times, what makes you think you'll win this time?"

Voldemort smirked under his hood, "An interesting question," he said smoothly, "But is it deserving of an answer?"

I knew what was coming before he even moved and, with the help of my Quidditch reflexes dodged the first spell as Voldemort said calmly, "Crucio."

I rolled behind the couch in the living room as I tried to think of any spell I could use against him. That's when he laughed, sending chills up my spine as the hair on the back of my neck stood on end.

"This isn't a time to play hide-and-seek Prongs," he said.

I started in surprise at the name because very few people know that I go by Prongs, and even less use that nickname when talking to me.

"You're surprised I know about your little nickname aren't you?" he smirked, "Well you shouldn't be, seeing as one of your friends really is quite stupid. Although I must admit he has a certain flair at choosing allies."

"Peter," I thought to myself as rage bubbled up inside of me. Of course it was Peter, stupid tag-along Peter. None of us had particularly liked him but that was because the guy was more then just a little weird. Not Snape weird, but still pretty weird. He'd practically failed all of his classes at Hogwarts because he really wasn't too bright and had barley managed to find a job after graduation.

"He's been working for me for quite a number of years now," Voldemort said, "He needed very little persuasion you know, he's a very power hungry fellow and will do just about anything to gain this power. It's a shame he wasn't a Slytherin."

"You're right," I said, "He's definitely stupid enough to be one."

Voldemort smirked at that comment. He knew he was in control and wasn't about to let me get to him.

"Now now James," he said, "That's no way to talk to your superiors."

"HA! That's a good one," I said, "Besides, you're not the most powerful wizard, that title belongs to one Albus Dumbledore."

Now I'd touched a nerve and Voldemort flared up.

"Dumbledore is a muggle loving, senile, old fool," he spat, "I swear that I will make him suffer a most painful death for all the times he has dared cross me."

"You seem to have a pretty high opinion of yourself," I said casually.

Voldemort glared at me, "You would have been wise Mr. Potter to learn that sometimes silence is a virtue," he said. He raised his wand and said those two fateful words, "Avada Kadava!"

Green light rushed towards me, and the next thing I knew I was floating, light as air above myself, or at least my body. I looked down at my body and saw my eyes had widened in shock but to my relief I didn't look scared. At least Harry wouldn't think me a coward.

Voldemort laughed, "Foolish as always Potter," he muttered before taking off in the direction Lily had gone.

I trailed after him hoping that Lily and Harry had gotten away. As I followed Voldemort I began to wonder how I could still be here. Why wasn't I awaiting judgment by the hand of God or something? Deciding not to question it, I continued to follow Voldemort.

He entered and to my dismay I spotted Lily struggling to unlock the door. Her wand was out and she was desperately saying, "Alohamora!" but to no avail.

"I see you've discovered there's no way out," Voldemort sneered.

Lily whipped around to face him. I had expected her to look scared, don't ask me why because I know she's just as brave as I am, if not more so. However, she faced Voldemort head on without any outward signs of fear.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

"The boy," Voldemort said calmly.

Lily was visibly surprised and I was fairly surprised myself. What would Voldemort want with a one-year-old baby?

"What do you want with him?" Lily asked, her voice quivered slightly.

"I want to kill him," Voldemort responded, sounding rather casual about it.

"Why? What has he ever done to you?" Lily demanded.

"It's not what he has done, it's what he will do," Voldemort replied, "Now stand aside."

"Not my baby! Not Harry! Not Harry! Please-I'll do anything!" Lily cried.

"Stand aside, stand aside, girl," Voldemort said, "You needn't suffer for your son. We have no need for anymore martyrs."

By now, Lily was sobbing uncontrollably and I felt frustrated beyond belief. Here I was, unable to do anything but watch.

Voldemort raised his wand, "Well if you won't move, I'll make you," he said, "Avada Kadava!"

Green light rushed at Lily and a split second later a shadow of her rose from her body. I stared at her wondering if she could see me.

"Lily?" I said tentatively.

"James?" she whispered, "Oh James!"

She threw her arms around my shoulders crying.

"It's OK," I said, "At least we're together."

We turned to see Voldemort raising his wand again.

"I can't watch!" Lily cried as she buried her face in her hands.

Much as I wanted to, I just couldn't bring myself to look away.

"Avada Kadava!" Voldemort said and the green light rushed at Harry but suddenly there was a huge explosion and the green light turned white. I saw Voldemort crumple and fall to the floor but I couldn't see Harry because of the smoke. The whole house visibly shook before collapsing.

I hardly dared to look at Harry because I feared the worst, but when I heard him wailing I floated over. He was completely untouched except for a thin, lightning bolt-shaped scar on his forehead. I stared in disbelief and I heard Lily gasp beside me.

"Impossible!" she exclaimed, "Unless . . . . . ."

"Unless what?" I asked.

"Unless the fact that I died to save him invoked an ancient form of magic that's been all but forgotten," she replied.

"Huh?"

"It's complicated," Lily said impatiently, "It's like a charm of some sort, I read about it once." She leaned over Harry and touched his forehead tracing the scar and suddenly Harry stopped crying. I could've sworn he could see us, but the next thing I knew, I was being pulled upwards.

"No!" Lily cried, "I want to see my baby! Harry! Harry!"

In a matter of seconds all movement stopped and we found ourselves in front of large golden gates. To the left was a tall, athletic looking man who looked about twenty or so, with blonde hair and brilliant blue eyes. He smiled gently at us to show he understood what we were going through.

"Come on Lily," I said as I put my arm around her, "Let's go over there and ask what we have to do."

"But Harry . . . . . . . ." Lily started.

"There's nothing we can do now," I said bluntly, "Dumbledore will take care of him once he finds out about . . . . . . . . well, you know."

It felt weird to say I was dead because it hadn't really hit me until then. I'd never get to teach Harry how to play Quidditch, never teach him how to pull pranks on all the stinking Slytherins, never . . . . . . . .oh god there was just so much. Even now, after all these years I can't think about that because it's too depressing.

I steered Lily over to man who smiled reassuringly.

"Hello Lily, James," he said in a kind voice, "I'm Daniel. I know what brought you here and, so you know, you can meet with counselors. I understand this is going to be a difficult time for both of you, and feel free to talk with someone or just to keep to yourself, it's entirely up to you. Here in Heaven we don't force anyone to do anything you are completely free, within reason anyway. There are just a few basic rules about trying to contact the living and things like that. Now that we've finished that do you have any questions?"

I looked at Lily who still seemed a little out of it and decided to ask a question I'd always wanted to know. Granted, it was a stupid question but what the hell, I was already in Heaven so it wasn't like they could throw me out.

"How come Snape's such a jackass?" I asked, and, believe it or not I managed to keep a straight face.

Lily looked ready to kill me, despite the fact that that would've been impossible after what had just happened, but Daniel smiled.

"I would assume you mean one Severus Snape?" he said.

"Yeah, him."

"Well, let's just say he's had a rough life and you certainly didn't make things any easier for him," Daniel replied.

"OK, well next question then, and it's actually serious," I said, "Why'd Peter turn traitor on us?"

Lily breathed in sharply and Daniel looked very thoughtful for a moment before answering.

"You were friends with him at Hogwarts, correct?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied.

"And you never noticed his tendency to seek out people who were more powerful then he was?" Daniel said, "After all, he hung out with you, Sirius and Remus, three of the most popular boys in school, despite the fact that he was anything but popular on his own. He's your average power hungry young man and his morals are somewhat lacking."

I stared at Daniel in surprise because it was true. Peter had always seemed eager for a little extra power, he'd always wanted more.

"I sense you're not too surprised," Daniel said.

"Now that I think about it, I'm not," I said.

"Well, I might as well show you to where you'll be staying," said Daniel, "This way."

He led us through the gates into a large picture perfect courtyard with people bustling about it.

"So this is wonderland," I said, more to myself than to anyone in particular, as I looked around.

The place certainly was beautiful, but there was something dark about it, like a tragic past that lingered here which creeped me out. That's when I noticed the large amount of kids who were running around. Needless to say I was, as was Lily.

"Why are there so many children?" she asked quietly.

"Many years ago Earth did not have the medicines that are available today and many children died before their tenth birthday," Daniel replied, "It's sad, but they're OK with it. Kids are remarkably resilient about these types of things."

Lily looked slightly appalled that someone could talk so lightly about death.

"I know what you're thinking," Daniel said, and Lily started, "And it may seem cruel to say something like that but it's the truth and you can't hide from it."

We walked in silence for some time.

"How did you die?" Lily asked suddenly.

"Oh, I died centuries ago," Daniel said rather casually, "I graduated from Hogwarts top of the class and was overly confident about my own abilities. A few years later I ended up in a bit of a nasty spot with a couple of muggles who discovered my magical talents. When I tried to apparate out of there, one of them managed to snap my wand in half so I was burned alive."

Lily and I stared at him in shock.

"Why didn't anyone help you?" Lily asked.

"No one knew what had happened," Daniel replied with a shrug, "And if they had known I'd been captured by muggles they would've assumed I could sort things out myself. It was a pure fluke that my wand broke."

"But you're so . . . . . . . . .casual about it," Lily said.

"Well I've been dead for a couple hundred years so I've had time to get over it," Daniel said, "Besides, I met the muggles responsible for it and actually get along with them fairly well now."

"Are you fucking shitting me?" I exclaimed.

"James!" Lily exclaimed, "Language!"

"They killed you! As soon as I see Voldemort I'm going to . . . . . . . . . ." I started to say, but Daniel interrupted me.

"But you won't be seeing him," said Daniel.

"Why?" Lily and I both asked.

"You don't think we let everyone in here do you?" Daniel said, he looked surprised, "Some people kill without knowing what they're doing and without a proper understanding, but others like Voldemort kill for entertainment."

"But what about all that forgiveness and love shit all those religions talk about?" I said.

"Forgiveness can only go so far," Daniel said, "Besides, Voldemort's trying to become immortal which means between that and all the other bad stuff he's done, he's headed straight for hell."

"Trying to be immortal's a sin?" Lily said.

"Well yes," said Daniel, "So far he's managed to delay his inevitable end but he won't live forever."

"But what about Nicholas Flamel?" Lily said, "He has a Philosopher's Stone and can make the Elixir of Life."

"Who and the what now?" I said confused. Lily has a tendency to know about a lot of things I've never heard of because she reads so much.

Lily ignored my question and looked at Daniel, "Nicholas Flamel and his wife are basically immortal," she said.

"Technically they're not immortal," Daniel said, "They rely on an outside source to keep them alive and it won't last forever. If the Elixir or stone was to be destroyed they would die."

"So because they're trying to be immortal will they go to hell?" Lily asked.

"No," Daniel replied, "Because they've lived good lives, unlike Voldemort. They've used their long life to help others and improve the lives of society."

I was now thoroughly confused but Lily looked satisfied.

"Oh," she said, "I get it."

"Good," said Daniel, "Because we're here."

I noticed we'd stopped at the steps of a large decorative looking building made entirely of white stone. Daniel led us inside and grabbed two large boxes off a shelf and handed one to each of us.

"These boxes contain everything you will need here in Heaven including the rules and regulations and answers to the most commonly asked questions, such as the meaning of life and what not," he said, "There's also instructions on how to find your new house and how to contact me if you need help with anything. Basically I'm going to be your 'helper' for as long as you need me so you can adjust to being here."

"Can we visit . . . . . . . ?" Lily started to say but stopped and blinked rapidly to avoid crying.

"Harry?" Daniel said, "Yes, but there's rules and it's not likely he'll be able to see you. Very few people have the ability to see past the physical world and from what we know Harry does not poses this gift."

"What about Sirius?" I asked, "Or Remus? Or maybe Dumbledore?"

Daniel looked thoughtful, "I'm not sure," he said, "Perhaps Sirius does but I know Remus can't because he's a werewolf. Dumbledore used to be able to a little bit but the ability has faded over time."

"What's being a werewolf got to do with being able to talk to the dead?" I asked.

"It's hard to explain but it has to do with how his brain works," Daniel said, "You'd have to talk to one of our experts about it. Anyway, sorry to rush off on you but I have to get going because I have a meeting. However, feel free to look around but I would suggest reading your books first."

"What's the rush?" I said nonchalantly, "I've got an eternity!"

Daniel laughed but Lily gave me a dirty look.

"James!" she scolded.

"What?" I said, "It's true."

"It would be in your best interest if you read the books before you go back to earth, just so that you don't break any rules," Daniel said, "I know you used to break rules all the time but they're a bit more strict around here."

"Ah, got it," I said.

"Can we see what's happened to Harry first?" Lily asked.

"Sure," Daniel said, "All you do is think of where you want to go, so in your case you'll think 'wherever Harry is', and you'll go there. Sound easy enough?"

"Yes," Lily said.

"Yep," I said.

"OK, well I'll leave you to it then," Daniel said, "Bye."

"Bye," I said.

"Bye and thanks!" Lily said.

Daniel waved goodbye and left.

"OK," I said, as I rubbed my hands together, "Let's do this then."

I concentrated hard hoping that I wouldn't end up in the wrong place like I had the first time I'd tried to apparate. (I was trying to apparate to London from Bristol but somehow managed to end up in Sweden instead, not sure why, but I did.) The next thing I knew I was back at Goderic's Hollow with Lily beside me. I saw Sirius and Hagrid and ran over to them.

"Hey hey! Padfoot! Hagrid!" I called but neither responded. Instead they continued talking in low voices.

"It's just bloody awful," Hagrid said with a sniff, "But it looks like they'll be the last."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked.

"Didn't you hear?" Hagrid said, "When You-Know-Who attacked little Harry here the spell backfired on him. Looks like he's gone."

"What?" exclaimed Sirius, "But how?"

Hagrid shrugged, "Who knows?" he said, "But Dumbledore wants me to take little Harry here to his aunt and uncle's."

I just about fell over in shock and I heard Lily breathe in sharply beside me. He couldn't mean Petunia and Vernon, could he? First of all they were muggles and second of all they hated us, and I mean they really hated us.

"But I'm his godfather!" Sirius said, "Why can't I take care of him?"

"Yeah!" I echoed, "Sirius should take care of Harry, not Petunia and Vernon!"

"Don't take Harry to them!" Lily wailed, "They won't love him! They won't take care or him they way Sirius would!"

But Sirius and Hagrid couldn't hear our protests.

"Dumbledore thinks it would be best if Harry went to live with his relatives," Hagrid said, "I'm sorry Sirius but you'll have to talk to Dumbledore 'bout it."

"But . . . . . . ." Sirius started to say.

"I have to Sirius," Hagrid said apologetically, "I'm just doing as Dumbledore says."

Sirius nodded slowly, "Yeah, yeah, Dumbledore knows best," he murmured and he slowly handed Harry over to Hagrid. "But Lily . . . . . . and James. . . . ." Sirius said as he stared down at Lily's lifeless body, which was still half obscured by rubble.

I shuddered and I felt Lily shiver beside me, it was definitely a creepy thing to see. There, lying on the ground, was Lily, but she was also right beside me.

"They're in a better place," Hagrid reassured him as he patted Sirius' shoulder, "And Harry's still here and we'll all definitely going to need to look out for him."

"Better place my ass," I muttered.

"James!" Lily said, "What if Harry can hear you!"

"But he can't Lily!" I snapped, "Because we're dead!"

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted it because Lily looked so stunned.

"I'm sorry Lily," I said as I looked down at me feet, "It's just . . . . . . . . . ."

"Yeah I know," Lily said as she looked away. "I don't want to be dead," she murmured.

"Neither do I," I said as I wrapped my arms around her and held her close.

We turned to look back at Sirius and Hagrid and watched in silence.

Sirius nodded, "Yeah," he agreed as he stroked Harry's hair, slowly tracing the scar, "Poor kid. I'll be there for you Harry, don't you worry."

"Well, I'd better get going," Hagrid said, "Don't want to keep Dumbledore waitin' any longer. Good-bye Sirius."

"Bye Hagrid," Sirius said, and Hagrid turned to leave, "Wait, Hagrid."

Hagrid turned, "Yeah?" he said.

"You want to take my bike?" Sirius asked, "It'll get you there a lot faster and I won't be needing it anymore."

Hagrid smiled, "Sure," he said, "Thanks Sirius."

Sirius managed a weak smile, "No problem," he said.

"Wow," I said in surprise, "Sirius loves that bike, I wonder why he wants to give it up?"

"Who knows with Sirius," Lily said as she rolled her eyes, "But forget about him, we have to follow Hagrid."

"Oh, right," I said as we hurried after Hagrid who had climbed onto the massive motorbike.

I looked back at Sirius and saw he looked furious. He pulled out his wand and disapparted. I knew he was going after Peter but for some reason I had the feeling Peter would get away.

Hagrid revved the engine and was soon up in the air with Lily and I trailing behind him. We followed him in silence as he drove for what seemed like ages. I hated floating along in silence, it gave me too much time to think which just depressed me.

Finally, he landed in a muggle suburb with all its identical looking houses. Suburbs bother me because of that. Personally, I feel it's creepy how all the houses look exactly the same. However, I wasn't surprised that Lily's prim and proper sister, who also happened to despise all forms of magic and creativity, would live in such a place. Hell, I expected her to.

Anyway, I noticed two figures standing at the end of the driveway to number 4, despite the fact that all the streetlights were out. One was tall with long silver hair and an equally long silver beard. He wore a pointed cap and long trailing robes along with a pair of half-moon spectacles. This was unmistakably Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Beside him stood a tall and formidable looking woman with glasses and a wide brimmed hat. She wore her hair in a tight bun and looked very strict which meant it could only be Professor Minerva McGonagall, who taught Transfiguration at Hogwarts.

The three conversed in low tones but I was too preoccupied to care what they were saying. I couldn't believe that Dumbledore would send Harry to send with muggles, much less people like Vernon and Petunia who absolutely despised magic. Did he actually think they'd welcome Harry with open arms? Sure Dumbledore was old, and quite possibly a bit senile, but even he couldn't be thick enough to think that having the Dursleys of all people bring Harry up would be a good idea, could he?

Dumbledore carried Harry up to the front stoop and laid him gently on the porch mat. The mat didn't even say 'welcome' or anything it was just a cold, hard rubber mat. I saw Dumbledore reach into his pocket and pull out an envelope and place it inside Harry's blankets. He stepped back from the house and stood with McGonagall and Hagrid before raising what looked like a muggle cigarette lighter. (Sirius sneaked one into Hogwarts one time because we thought it would be cool to set Snape's robes on fire without magic. Every so often you need to change things up a bit, you know? After all, variety is the spice of life.) Dumbledore clicked the lighter-thingy and suddenly all the streetlights went on. Soon the other three had disappeared into the night and Lily and I were left standing in the middle of the street staring at our baby. We didn't move all night, but waited until morning to see what would happen.

Finally, at 7 o'clock sharp, just as the sun was starting to show, the door to number 4 opened and out stepped a thin, bony woman who I hadn't seen in years. I glanced sideways at Lily and noticed her eyes had narrowed slightly but my attention was brought back to the woman when she screamed shrilly, sending all the nearby birds flying off in fright and causing Harry to start wailing, obviously cranky at being woken up in such a manner.

"Vernon! Vernon!" she screeched, "There's a . . . . . . . . thing on our doorstep!"

"A thing?!" Lily thundered, "It's a little baby boy who's just lost his parents! Who the hell does she think she is? Screaming like a bloody banshee and waking up everyone within 100 square kilometers! Honestly!"

You know Lily's mad when she swears like that, and boy was she mad. She marched over to her sister and started yelling at the top of her lungs, completely forgetting that Petunia couldn't hear her.

"Petunia! You are the most idiotic woman I have ever met! I cannot believe we're even related, much less sisters! You think you're so perfect and that anything out of the ordinary to you is criminal!" Lily yelled. She continued ranting and raving with the help of some very colourful language. I was rather impressed because I can honestly say I'd never heard her yell like that. Sure, she'd gotten plenty mad at me back in our early years at Hogwarts, but those rants paled in comparison with this one.

A large, beefy man appeared in the doorway and his eyes bugged out of his head at the sight of Harry.

"Bloody hell!" he exclaimed, "It's a kid!"

"How observant you are," I muttered as I rolled my eyes.

Lily was still yelling about Petunia and Vernon's intelligence, or lack of it actually.

"Why are you still gaping at him like he's some sort of a plague!" she yelled, "Why don't you pick him up and see who the bloody hell he is already? Obviously someone put him on your doorstep for a reason, it's not as if he just fell from the bloody sky you know! Although it escapes me why Dumbledore would pick you of all people to take care of Harry when you're so bloody dense you can barely wipe your own ass!"

Petunia bent down and gingerly touched the blanket as if expecting something to jump out and bit her. She pulled the blanket away a little bit and discovered the letter from Dumbledore.

"Vernon look!" she exclaimed shrilly as she stood up with it, "There's a note!"

"What?" Vernon said, but Petunia was already reading said note. As she read, he visibly paled in a mixture of shock and horror.

"Vernon!" she stammered, "It's our nephew!"

"What do you mean it's our nephew?" Vernon snapped, "Give that here!" He grabbed the letter and read but instead of paling like his wife, he turned furious.

"Oh no!" he said, "No! No! No! I am not having . . . . . . . . . it in my house! We'll take him to the orphanage!"

"We can't just turn him away!" Petunia said, "If we do all those other people like him will come and get us!"

Vernon paled and swore.

"Vernon!" Petunia snapped.

Vernon seemed to think for a minute. I imagine it was very hard for him.

"Well I suppose we can keep him here," he said slowly, "But we'll treat him like anyone else who ended up on our doorstep, I don't care if he is family. If it hadn't been for that Potter I never would've developed those stomach problems."

"Yeah, cause you know how pulling pranks on you can really give you bad digestion and it has nothing to do with the fact that you're a pig you fat tub of lard," I muttered.

Eventually Petunia and Vernon took Harry inside and plunked him down in the playpen with their fat-er-chubby son, Dudley. Course, they conveniently forgot about him for the rest of the day, so I'm surprised Harry wasn't wailing out of frustration because of their stupidity and ignorance.

And so the years passed slowly, one by one, but Harry's life only seemed to get worse. Lily and I tried to talk to Harry and keep his spirits up because we knew that Dumbledore wouldn't abandon him to his muggle relatives, but it's hard to talk with someone when they can't see or hear you.

While those years passed, Lily and I divided our time between watching Harry and trying to adjust to the afterlife. However, it's hard to be happy when you're only child is being constantly tormented by his own relatives. We did find out why Harry had to live there, something about how Lily died to protect him and all that, but Dumbledore's a smart man so couldn't he have thought of another solution?

Finally, Harry's letter arrived from Hogwarts, reassuring Lily and I that Dumbledore hadn't forgotten about him after all these years. Harry's life defiantly improved when he went to Hogwarts and began making friends. While Harry was at Hogwarts, Lily and I felt that he was better of then he had ever been with the Durselys, so we tried our best to enjoy our afterlife. However, trying to enjoy paradise when your son's life is being threatened on a regular basis is pretty hard so, needless to say, we failed miserably. But I guess that's just how "Wonderland" is. People think that what they want the most is material things, the things that money can buy, but when you die, none of that matters anymore. What you really miss when you die are the important things, like your family and your friends. Sure I miss Quidditch a lot but I'm more upset over losing the chance to help Harry grow up and deal with his problems and teaching him things.

Now you probably think I'm either on drugs or something or just out of my mind, but trust me, I'm not. The reason I'm telling you all this is because there's so much that I didn't get to do in life and I don't want someone else to have to deal with the same guilt and pain I'm stuck with. I may be a prankster and immature sometimes - OK, most of the time - but that doesn't make me stupid and insensitive. Besides, I have a lot of free time to think about these things now that I'm dead.

Anyway, to continue with my "deep, spiritual and profound message". . . . . . . . . .

You've heard the saying "Carpe Diem", which means "Seize the Day", and I hope you to do just that; don't just sit around and wait to die, where's the fun in that? Get off your ass and do something! You don't have to go save the world or anything but live your life to the fullest and never put yourself in the position where you think "what if . . . . . . . ." all the time because once you die you have no more second chances. Be grateful for what you have, especially your family and friends and don't take anything for granted because in an instant your world can be turned upside down and you can lose everything.

* * *

Well, that's it! I hope you liked it! I'm a little unhappy with parts of it because 1) I'm hardly ever fully satisfied with my work and 2) I just got downright lazy with some parts. This was definitely a learning experience for me because normally I write comedy, hence the reason for some comic relief in this lovely story of mine. You have to figure though that James isn't the most serious and mature person in the world after the way J.K. Rowling's described him. Also I discovered that coming up with a name for your story before you write it is very bad but I really like the idea and could see James saying "So this is Wonderland" either sarcastically or sincerely without it being overly cheesy. Speaking of cheesy, yes I am aware of how cheesy the ending was and I apologize for that, but I had to throw something like that in there to show how James has become more mature with time. Hopefully the sarcasm comes through in the writing and James is true to character. I've always pictured James as someone who would use a very, um, colourful vocabulary to describe things when he's mad. Anywho, I've wasted enough of your time but please review!

MeGaN

P.S. Please review but don't flame because I'm pretty sensitive about my work. Oh I won't cry about it but it will piss me off and trust me, you don't want to do that because I will have my revenge if you do so. If you want to know how go read "Harry Potter In A Messed Up Little World" and go find the chapter that I wrote after my school's volleyball coaches pissed me off.


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